Pressure and Growing Up
Lately I have been having to come to terms with a harsh reality: I am growing up. Not that this was ever a shock to me, but I am caught in this weird stage of searching to be independent but not grown enough yet to be. This stage honestly is even worse when you have the constant pressure from your parents. This past year I have had to realize something most people my age and up realize; parents drive you crazy. Not the kind of crazy that makes you sulk in you room for hours because you were not able to go out on a school night kind of crazy, no, the kind of crazy where you are not adult enough for them but not open and dependent enough upon them either and they get mad either way. No one sends better mixed signals than my parents. One day they are upset because I do not touch base with them often or tell them how I am doing. The next, they are furious that I am unable to support myself fully and just "grow up."
I have always been a rather communicative person. I am a Communication major for goodness sake. To me, when I feel a certain way about something someone has said to me, it is important to express that feeling calmly and rationally to their face. Lately, I have been trying to communicate the confusion and anger I have been feeling about my parents' requests, but it never ends well. Most of the time I get told the line I hate most of all, "You are just too sensitive." Like my feelings are not relevant? It is almost as bad as someone telling you not to feel a certain way. You cannot just stop feeling a certain way! We all are entitled to our own feelings! However this concept seems lost on my folks.
On top of my misunderstood feelings, my parents place impossible, unreachable expectations on top of me. "When I was your age I had a full time job AND I was going to school!", "You are way too dependent upon your mother (even though I arrange all my school things unless I need financial help)", "You are always asking for so much money (even though I pay for everything besides school, myself). It is like a never ending list of characteristics of some hypothetical perfect daughter that I can never be. My freshman year of college, I came down hard with depression. It took me quite a while to figure my life out and get myself the help and meds I really need. I am proud to say that as a Sophomore, my depression and anxiety have faded significantly. My parents forget this all the time. Many times it seems that they blame me for my poor grades freshman year (an unfortunate result of my depression). Like my depression is not a good enough reason for my failures to them. The most hilarious part: both my parents are or have been teen psych nurses!
My point is not to bash my parents for their faults, but to express that putting constant pressure on your children to do better, be better, only makes the pressures they put on them ten times greater. Sometimes all a kid needs to hear is, "We love and support you no matter what you go through. We are always behind you."
I have always been a rather communicative person. I am a Communication major for goodness sake. To me, when I feel a certain way about something someone has said to me, it is important to express that feeling calmly and rationally to their face. Lately, I have been trying to communicate the confusion and anger I have been feeling about my parents' requests, but it never ends well. Most of the time I get told the line I hate most of all, "You are just too sensitive." Like my feelings are not relevant? It is almost as bad as someone telling you not to feel a certain way. You cannot just stop feeling a certain way! We all are entitled to our own feelings! However this concept seems lost on my folks.
On top of my misunderstood feelings, my parents place impossible, unreachable expectations on top of me. "When I was your age I had a full time job AND I was going to school!", "You are way too dependent upon your mother (even though I arrange all my school things unless I need financial help)", "You are always asking for so much money (even though I pay for everything besides school, myself). It is like a never ending list of characteristics of some hypothetical perfect daughter that I can never be. My freshman year of college, I came down hard with depression. It took me quite a while to figure my life out and get myself the help and meds I really need. I am proud to say that as a Sophomore, my depression and anxiety have faded significantly. My parents forget this all the time. Many times it seems that they blame me for my poor grades freshman year (an unfortunate result of my depression). Like my depression is not a good enough reason for my failures to them. The most hilarious part: both my parents are or have been teen psych nurses!
My point is not to bash my parents for their faults, but to express that putting constant pressure on your children to do better, be better, only makes the pressures they put on them ten times greater. Sometimes all a kid needs to hear is, "We love and support you no matter what you go through. We are always behind you."
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