The Importance of Self

If there is anything that I have learned in life, it is that putting myself first is ok. I have always struggled with putting myself before others. I have always been that tiny piece of roadkill on the highway that gets constantly run over because it is too small and hard to see. This, I have learned, has gotten my heart into lots of trouble.

I have always had an assortment of crappy friends, honestly. People with strong emotional issues. Those are the people I am naturally drawn to. I want to help others and be that one person they can talk to. Unfortunately, when you only support someone else, you eventually drown. In most friendships I have had, it has been all about keeping that person above water. And when those few times came around that I needed to breathe, I was shocked to find that person shoving my head back under the surface. Eventually, I realized I wanted someone to hold my hand while treading. Someone who can hold themselves up, like me, but still be able to connect with me and help me out if need be. I would be the same for them. 

Another quirk about me is that I struggle with intense anxiety disorder. In the last couple years, I finally got the help I needed to cope and become a much happier person. However, this does not mean I do not have an anxiety attack every now and again. I never had friends who understood that. I cannot really blame them, except for the few who made me feel judged for it altogether. It was not until late my freshman year of college that I met someone with an even more intense anxiety disorder than me. As we got to know each other, the more I realized how alike we were in all ways. The history of crappy friends, the good self esteem, the anxiety, the love of life and God. Ever since I met her, we have become closer and closer. She is probably one of the only people in my life who understands every part of me. The best part of all, she is a supporter as well.

How wonderful it is to have someone else who understands the importance of self. That although we may have lifted others up until we drowned, we believe now, that it is more important to think of ourselves first when it comes to mental health. I have learned through hearing her mind, that I have some growth that still needs to be done. Being ok with confrontation and standing up for myself. Remembering to tread instead of supporting until death.

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